Funny stuff.....

*Five Levels of Hangovers*
*
**One Star Hangover** (*)*

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively
well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 Cokes and still feel
this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

*
**Two Star Hangover** (**)*

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around
the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some
definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

*
**Three Star Hangover** **(***)*

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you
of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.
Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy
reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a
diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.

*
**Four Star Hangover** (****)*

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you
might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given
you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't
hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. Your eyes look
like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your ass is in perpetual
spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings
water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
*
**Five Star Hangover** (*****)*
*
**You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore
and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your
mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop
fairy out.** **Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your
tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the
stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump
results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare
'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to
splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about
right now...*



*THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:*

Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon.
*****
*
**THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:*

Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder; Loquacious;
Transubstantiate.
*****
*
**THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK :*

1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2.) Nope, no more booze for me.
3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4.) Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
6.) Sorry I'm being such a jackass.